A mother's perspective.

Editor's Note (Ha!  I'm an editor!  What what!): 
This post was written by Catherine.  Every so often she can be coaxed into putting down the cross-stitch writing something for the blog!  :)




My eyes opened at 10 am halfway through the nap I was taking before leaving for work. I was leaking everywhere. I hauled myself up to the bathroom with a change of clothes and was relieved it wasn't blood, but it felt an awful lot like what you hear about when your water breaks. Still leaking but now equipped with a pad I came downstairs and told mom what was happening. She said to call the doctor and they said to go down to the hospital so labor and delivery could test the fluid and make sure everything was alright. Feeling kind of shaky I called Navarre and told him I was going to pick him up from work and we were going to the hospital just to have the fluids tested.

Trying desperately to not panic I drove the longest 10 minutes ever to Navarre's work where he had already left and walked half a block towards me. I was trying not to think of the fact that I was only 32 weeks and according to my handy book I had read just 2 hours ago Marek was only 4 pounds. I couldn't bear the thought of his tiny body coming into the world today. We drove straight to AF hospital just because it was close by; I was still leaking and heavily soaking through my second pair of sweats for the day thinking "why hadn't I brought a change of clothes?"

At the American Fork Hospital, I got changed into the hospital gown and the ultra nice nurse did 2 simple PH tests that both said I was not leaking amniotic fluid. They did a third test just to be sure with a long cotton swab that they took to the lab and it came back positive. I think that was over the course of about 2 hours. At that point it seemed I was probably going to need a c-section at a hospital with a nicu to catch my poor premature son because AF didn't have a nicu. We waited for several hours for them to call around and find out where we could go; Provo and IMC in Salt Lake were both on "divert" because they were full. The baby was stable and still had some amniotic fluid left so we weren't in too much of a rush. They monitored his heart rate the whole time and he seemed even calmer than we were. Our insurance finally made a special provision for Timpanogos even though they were not in-network because we had nowhere else to go. (Timpanogos has been nothing less that stellar by the way.)

At long last the ambulance guys came about 3:30. Navarre followed behind us in the car because we were going slow with no siren. I found out that the particular ambulance we were in had no governor on the speed which I thought was pretty cool and something legitimate to think about besides all the fluid I was losing and my impending surgery.

When we got to Timp around 4pm they got in touch with Dr. Dayton who was on call for Valley OB and I was relieved because I had just met with him a few weeks earlier and I liked him. They said he'd leave his office in Provo at 5 pm and come up to see me. I was happy because finally it seemed this might be close to being over. They were trying to get me into the hospital computer and the nurses determined that I was allowed to eat. The tray came in but I couldn't touch it even though I hadn't eaten in almost 8 hours. My contractions had started the moment I hit the bed at Timp and even though they weren't that strong yet it was still enough to distract me from the consent forms I was supposed to be reading. Every five minutes another contraction would hit and they were quickly gaining intensity. Every time Navarre saw my face squinch up in pain no matter what he was doing he would dutifully come over to have his hand squished to death while I held it in a vice grip counting down the seconds and trying to breathe.

My break time between the contractions was slipping quickly from 5 minutes to 4 minutes to 3 and there was less and less time with no pain even when I wasn't having a contraction. I was starting to get concerned because I knew for regular pregnancies this was the time you leave for the hospital because your baby is fairly imminent. I also knew Marek was squarely feet down and could not come out the regular way without a little more of a fight. I was just thinking something should probably be done to either prep me for surgery or stop the contractions when suddenly my whole conscious thought exploded with pain. It built and built until my body convulsed and I could actually feel my body bearing down pushing my baby out without my consent. I yelled something about the baby coming out and I was vaguely aware of my mom disappearing and Navarre still holding my hand.

A nurse came in to check me and I think she honestly thought I was just dilated a little with painful contractions. When she actually checked her eyes got really wide and she leapt over me to hit a button behind the bed. The next words I was conscious of the nurse saying through the haze were "feet in the vagina". At that moment I knew 2 things for sure. The baby was coming out NOW probably with no pain killers and after only a little over an hour of contractions. I also realized that the wiggly feeling I was experiencing "down there" was Marek's little feet kicking back and forth. Suddenly the room was full of people and there was a nurse gripping my hand looking me straight in the eye telling me everything was going to be ok and that I needed to keep breathing. It was strangely and instantly calming and it helped slow the contractions. I was rolling around the corner to the OR desperately just trying to keep looking her in the eyes and breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth like she was saying over and over.

They transferred me to a new bed in the operating room and they put an oxygen mask over my face as my body convulsed again. They were desperately trying to get me to stop pushing because the doctor wasn't there yet, and I think they were still considering doing an emergency c-section, but my body wasn't super interested in slowing down. It was like trying to stop myself going down a water slide once I was already moving. It was getting harder and harder to look at the nurse and easier and easier just to close me eyes and scream through the waves pain but somehow I managed to hold it together. Probably because they kept insisting that the doctor would be there any minute.

I became groggily aware that Navarre was off to my left and a little behind sitting next to the anesthesiologist who was behind my head. The anesthesiologist had this really soft voice and he would update me periodically and make me feel calm. He told me that they might have to put me out if they were going to do a c-section because there was no time for an epidural. There were two nurses monitoring Marek's emerging legs and they told me his feet were really cute and crossed over each other at the ankle. The doctor finally got there and was quickly apprised of my situation.

My sense of time was questionable at best but I think he spent just a couple minutes feeling the baby and deciding we were past the point of no return. Then as desperately as they were trying to get me to stop pushing earlier they were begging me to push now. As much as it hurt it was a relief to finally give into what my body already wanted to do. It also helped that they let me scream as loud as I wanted so that's exactly what I did. I could see his little purple legs flailing in the doctor's hands and I knew we were almost there. Another push and he had one shoulder out and one more after that I felt his head pop through. After that I think I checked out. I just watched as everything unfolded so relieved that my part was over. The doctor squeezed the blood in the umbilical cord to my little baby and then a few minutes later they eased the afterbirth out completely painless. A few blurry minutes later he was placed in my arms wrapped in a little white blanket with a little white hat looking at me so quietly. I said something to him I think and kissed him on the forehead before they had to take him to the nicu to get hooked up to the monitors and warmed. 4 pounds 7 ounces, exactly the opposite of me when I was born. The last uncomfortable part was the doctor stitching up my episiotomy. The local anesthetic he gave me in a shot hadn't quite had time to fully take effect so there was just a little more pain.

Marek was born at 5:35 and I think I made it back to my room around 6:20. I already felt so much better and I was just so sleepy. They gave me an antibiotic through my IV to make sure my stitches wouldn't get infected. Around 8pm I think they finally eased me into a wheelchair and let me go down to the nicu to see Marek. He was in a c-pap machine to help expand his underdeveloped lungs and he had wires all over his body monitoring everything from heart rate to oxygen level. He was really stable and his eyes were open looking right at me. He was amazingly alert and involved with what was going on around him. He only had to wear the c-pap machine for the night and then he graduated to the regular oxygen tube in his nose. They let me hold him this afternoon and he was so warm and small. According to the staff he really doesn't fuss much at all and he slept through even us changing his diaper until he felt the cold wipe where he wiggled a little but didn't cry. He spends a lot of time on a Bili Blanket with these cute purple foam goggles to protect his eyes. Apparently it helps his mild jaundice and keeps him really warm. His legs are still really purple and bruised from the delivery but the color improves almost every few hours. I'm not allowed to nurse yet because he's still not able to suck and swallow very well but I can pump and they'll feed it to him so he can nurse eventually. He's a content little baby and we're so happy he's doing well!

Marek already into tanning.  Should we be worried?